It’s been a crappy time, been in a funk and putting off doing anything at all. It’s easy to say its because of M, but honestly I’m just done with everything. I reactivated my Twitter and that was a mistake.. things just seem beyond repair at this point and yes, the one person I wish I could talk to disappeared again. M says I’m suppose to depend on him and questioned why I don’t talk to him about things. I think it’s fairly clear dude, he’s not dependable.. not for me at least. I know, I need to accept the fact that his situation isn’t going to change because he doesn’t want it to. On one hand, I understand, I really do. I can totally accept things if I was confident in other things. On the other hand, I think it’s all shit. Doesn’t matter though, I’m not a part of any decision and I can either accept it or don’t. I try to be nonchalant about it, just be a friend, be around and be fine with the absences. Why can’t I be that way? I wish he’d talk to me, I wish he felt like he could be vulnerable with me. That’s selfish, but I do wish we could be each other’s support system. He says he has my back, but he never has. I’ve never felt it..

But again, it isn’t all about him. Dealing with some news I’m not sure about yet. Just waiting for confirmation and it’s bringing me down. I’m so fucking tired of being kept in the dark ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!

I think it’s time to get out of here, go somewhere and be alone. No phone, internet.. just completely shut off. I’m not capable of taking care of my mental health here, not right now. Completely off the grid, just for a little bit

Just a whine-fest here.. move along, nothing to see (read)