So this is just a vent because I’m so fucking tired.
Tired of being an idiot. Tired of believing M gives a damn, tired of everything. So after completely disappearing last December, M gets a hold of me. We have 2 really great calls, well 1 1/2 because he fucked off in the middle of the 2nd call. Zero follow up.. I waited the weekend then messaged him and he had us set up a chat client to talk. Text was difficult, great I thought. This made me so happy and again.. things were cool
Until he just stopped talking. I’m not sure he’s even checking or I’m blocked. I’m not texting or calling because right now I’m too emotional. I feel abandoned once again and he could come up with excuses and reasons but whatever…
I also saw that he posted that pic that started all the drama last year.. funny because he made it sound like he agreed it was a mistake to post the first time
ARRRRRRRGH
WHY, why do I do this to myself. Why do I feel like I have to beg for his attention. I’m not going to and I’m not going to be ok with him coming and going. He wants friendship, he wants companionship…
I’m just not doing well mentally and it’s not him, he’s just what I’m focusing on right now
What do you do when you ask God for guidance and he floods your brain with thoughts of him and your heart with love for him and it feels like I’m just stupid
Today’s not a good day and I think I need a nap. I’m probably just being selfish and unreasonable
Under The Willowtree 